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Dandy and Sparky in The Rock Festival
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Chapter 14: The Great Gig
It was nearly time for the last band to make their climactic appearance and bring the festival to its official end. The band went by the name of ‘Satan’s Festering Blebs’, and played a fusion of techno and Gothic punk. Their
musical offerings had been described by one music journo as ‘a nauseating mish-mash of attention-seeking garbage’, but they were still popular enough
to top the bill.
‘At least it’s not old hippy shit,’ Dandy had said, when he’d still been capable of something close to intelligent conversation. Since then the drugs had reached his brain, reducing that sadly abused organ to the consistency of wet string, and now he was totally off his mong again, unable to say anything remotely sensible or walk without help. It was a good thing Stan was too stoned to remember their bet.
Poor Sparky was seriously embarrassed, not just for Dandy, but for Stan too. Insisting he was an ‘old mate’ of ‘the Blebs’, Stan was hell-bent on going backstage to ‘rap’ with them before the gig.
‘Shouldn’t we at least wait until they’ve played?’ Sparky said timidly.
‘Why?’ said Stan.
‘Well, they might want to be left alone to get ready.’
‘No way! They’ll just be like really pleased to see me, right? Like me and the Blebs go back a long way.’
‘I don’t know if they’ll be pleased to see Dandy,’ muttered Sparky.
Ignoring him, Stan dragged Dandy to the tented-off area behind the main stage. Since Dandy was hanging onto Stan and Sparky for support, Sparky was forced to go with them.
They hadn’t got far when their way was blocked by a positively mountainous Bouncer.
Dandy’s eyes flickered open. ‘Christ!’ he murmured. ‘Is that guy deformed or what?’
Stan smiled ingratiatingly at the Bouncer. ‘Take no notice of my friend, Sir. He’s... er... not himself at the moment, too many drugs, know what I mean? Anyway, we’re here to see my old mates the Blebs, so if you wouldn’t mind stepping aside - ’
The Bouncer shuffled forward, making a deep rumbling noise like a volcano in its pre-eruptive state. Stan and Sparky shuffled backwards, dragging Dandy between them. They could hear a strange noise backstage, a sort of eldritch mumbling. Dandy’s eyes flickered wildly.
‘Hey, look, it’s cool, OK?’ Stan assured the Bouncer. ‘Just tell them Stan’s here.’
The mumbling backstage turned into chanting. ‘Yo Pan! Yo Pan! Yo Pan!’
Dandy’s eyes sprang wide-open. Even Stan shut up and listened.
‘On a milk-white ass, come over the sea,’ the chanting went on.
‘That’s me!’ yelled Dandy. Breaking away from Stan and Sparky, he dropped his trousers and mooned at the Bouncer. ‘See? There’s my milk-white ass!’
‘What are you doing, man?’ cried Stan. ‘We’ll never get in now!’ He turned back to the Bouncer. ‘Ignore this guy, OK, he’s off his face. I only met him this afternoon - got him out of jail, you know, my good deed for the day and all that. Just go tell the Blebs their old mate Stan’s here...’
Another guy came from the backstage area, a seventies throwback in head-to-foot denim, with enormous fuzzed-out hair. He had a coke spoon in one hand and a big fat joint in the other.
‘Hi!’ he said. ‘I’m Zeke Clintwood - the Blebs’ manager. Can I help you?’
‘Yeah,’ said Stan, trying to look cool. ‘Just tell Godzilla here I’m a mate of the Blebs and I’ve come to rap with them before the gig. Stan’s the name.’
The chant increased in intensity... ‘Yo Pan! Yo Pan! Yo Pan! Yo Pan! Yo Pan, Pan! Pan! I am a man!’
‘I’m their man!’ shrieked Dandy, dancing about wildly. ‘Pan’s the name! I’m Pan!’
‘Sorry, guys, you can’t go in there,’ Zeke Clintwood explained. ‘No one can go in there - this is a very delicate and dangerous operation.’
‘What the fuck are they doing in there?’ Stan enquired.
The Blebs’ manager grinned, showing several gold teeth. ‘They’re calling up Pan, aren’t they? The presence of the Great God is essential to the atmos of their act.’
‘Hey, listen here, Zink Clitwood or whatever your name is,’ snarled Dandy. ‘Don’t tell me I can’t go in there - I’m Pan! I’m the guy they want! Can’t you hear them calling me?’
‘Yo Pan! Yo Pan, Pan! Pan!’ the chanting went on.
Sparky plucked nervously at Stan’s sleeve. ‘I don’t like this. I think Dandy’s possessed.’
‘You crazy or what? He’s just stoned.’
‘I’m telling you, he’s possessed! It’s happened before, when he’s been dabbling with Magic - you can tell by his eyes!’
Stan looked at Dandy. There was something weird about his eyes; they’d gone sort of yellow, and the pupils were oblong slits like a goat’s. ‘That’s just the drugs,’ Stan said uncertainly.
‘If you guys want to see the Blebs, you’d better get round the front,’ said Zeke Clintwood. ‘They’ll be on in a minute.’
‘And I rave and I rape and I rip and I rend,’ chanted the band.
This was too much for Dandy, who flung himself at Zeke Clintwood with great force, knocking him to the ground.
‘Someone get this guy off me!’ he screamed.
What happened next happened so fast that no one was sure what had happened. The Bouncer lunged at Dandy, but before he could make contact, Dandy zoomed into the air. At the same time an ominous rumble of thunder sounded overhead, and the Blebs rounded off their chant with a final ‘Yo Pan! Yo Pan, Pan! Pan! Yo PAN!’
Dandy landed in the entrance to the Kiddies’ Tent, where a balding hippy with a long grey beard was reading a story…
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